After a couple of months of absence I come to this abandoned place to share my thoughts about being a mom. Chaotic as it may be, but my life isn’t exactly organized the way I wish it was. It’s one of the attributes of being a mother. There’s little time for anything that doesn’t involve a baby. But over a few days I managed to write my few chaotic thoughts about my baby and me.
Motherhood ain’t easy. It’s challenging, but beautiful and worth every second. Each moment is special, sometimes overwhelming, sometimes hard, but all of them have to be cherished. Our baby boy grows so fast, that I already miss my little newborn that he was only two months ago. At the same time I love that he smiles at me, that he tries to communicate with me, using cute noises and grimaces. I know I have to pay attention to all those little things, because later on I will miss them.
What I wasn’t expecting is the feeling I get every time someone else (besides my husband) takes my boy into their arms. I miss him instantly, I want to take him back into my arms, hold him and never give him away. To anyone. I didn’t know I would be that crazy about my baby, I rather thought I would be happy to give him to other people to take care of him. I thought I would be constantly tired and glad if someone held my boy so that I could just do other stuff. Well… I don’t. I can’t do anything about these feelings, but I don’t like to share him. I rather wished he was attached to me at all times. Like when I was pregnant and he was only mine, only by my side, safe inside of me. Even when someone touched my belly, it was still with me, constantly. I am most probably attached to my boy so strongly because of that pregnancy time, that we spent together. I am a possessive mother.
I can spend a long time watching my little son sleeping. My heart is in awe every time he smiles at me. I love the moments when I hold him in my arms and he just stares at me, like there is noone else in his world, but mommy. I like to be alone with him, to feed him and enjoy every moment I spend with him. He’s a perfect baby, he doesn’t cry too much, sleeps good at night, grows well and doesn’t get sick, at least so far. I cannot complain.
I love to watch my husband taking care of our baby boy. The way he speaks to him, holds him, tells him he loves him. I think it’s extremely important for father to bond with his children, and I hope my husband will create this special connection with our boy.
There are some hard moments of course, like a bad day with lots of crying, belly pains, nights when he refuses to sleep. But all that can’t overshadow the beauty of motherhood.
I feel like I have more patience now. I definitely don’t need as much sleep as I always thought I needed. I don’t think too much about my needs, I would rather take care of my baby than eat breakfast, my showers are way shorter than before and I don’t think I will have a relaxing bath anytime soon. Not because I can’t, I have people around me who would take care of my baby, but I prefer to always be close, always be present and alert in case my boy needs me. If I go out without him I still think of him pretty much the whole time, and if I imagine that he would cry when I am not around to hold him, I just wanna cry myself. Does that make me a crazy mother? Will I grow out of it? 😉
I know some women struggle with feelings towards their newborns, but I loved my boy from the first moments. My love for him grows everyday, I just love him more and more. I want to hug him all the time and squeeze him strong! Wanna squeeze him to the point of his eyes coming out! I wanna eat him alive, chew on his perfect chubby cheeks! I know, it’s creepy, but I also know I lot of people have these kind of feelings towards the cute things, so I hope I am not entirely crazy. I could just keep kissing him for eternity. His cheeks, tiny hands, that grab my fingers, his head, his belly, small feet. He’s extremely kissable ♥
I love being a mom. And I remember I didn’t want to become one when I was younger. Oh, how much would I miss if I hadn’t changed my mind.