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It is going to be a sad post, consisting my messy thoughts and sadness that fills my heart, but I wanted to spill it out here…
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There is someone in my family, who’s dying. Right now. I keep thinking about it since yesterday when speaking with my mom I found out that my aunt is on her deathbed. After more than a year of fighting cancer, her body couldn’t take it anymore. Surgeries, chemotherapy, alternative therapy, nothing helped to completely remove the invader from her body.
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I remember her visits when I was a kid. I used to play a lot with her youngest child, we spent some holidays together as well. My aunt was the smallest from all the siblings, but always tried to make it up by wearing at least a bit of high heels. I remember her always bringing us chocolate or other sweets. Her kisses left pink stains on our cheeks. I am so grateful for all those memories I have.
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I have seen my aunt fighting this uneven battle only once. She and her family came to my wedding in Poland. She was dancing, enjoying the party, the people. And she was hopeful. She told me about some alternative therapy that she was going through and that apparently it worked. Well only for a while. Few months after that, we found out that cancer reached metastasis.
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Now I wonder, is she in much pain? Is she conscious? Is she afraid? Lying in bed, morphine running through her veins, surrounded by her closest family. Can she say goodbye?
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I can only imagine the sadness and fear of her closest family. Her children must be devastated. And I can hear her husband’s heart breaking from pain. I can only imagine my mom and other sisters and brothers watching their sibling dying way too soon. People aren’t supposed to die that soon.
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Life is fragile. It takes so little to lose it. And it can be very painful. But there is hope. I believe that there is Heaven waiting for her. That she will be freed from her devastated body and excruciating pain. She will be relieved and happy in a place where nothing can hurt her anymore. Moreover, she will reach a state where she can reunite with her parents. And she’ll be in peace, looking over her family from above.
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Thoughts run through my head very fast. About cancer, death, pain, purpose in life, hope, fight. I can’t decide if I should pray for fast peaceful end or for miraculous prolonging of life, for few more weeks or months. What to wish for?

EDIT: My aunt died two hours after I posted this on my blog. Rest in peace [*][*][*]