Look into my eyes
Find me there inside
I just wanna show
How you mend my life
You start my heart again
When I think I am dead
You throw all bright thoughts
Straight into my head
And when I feel so hurt
You take all pain away
When I just wanna die
You always make me stay
It’s only 30 Seconds
And world is hide in shell
So don’t ever go away
Cause you make me feel so well
6 am. Life is waking up, birds are singing and sun is getting higher on the sky. Dog is whining, cat’s meowing, wind plays with colorful leaves on trees. It’s early fall and everything looks so beautiful. But it’s all outside.
She’s sitting on her chair. She didn’t even go to sleep, she was just sitting here whole night staring at their faces. But those faces aren’t even real and she knows that. Still, she’s staring at them, as if she stopped, her whole world would crush down. So she quited eating, sleeping, even moving. She’s just staring at their angelic faces, faces of her dream. Because it’s a dream that will never ever come true. Even if she knows that…she still stares… Everyday and every night. How to stop her?
Don’t even try…
She loves when they’re laughing. And she enjoys every step they take. She follows them, secretly, from a distance, to not disturb, to not ruin the silence in that room. And she smiles when they’re proud, she cries when they’re wasting their time, she gets sad when they’re overtired and not taking care of themselves. She’s so afraid of losing them one day, that they would never notice her, never talk to her and never even smile to her.
She smiles from time to time to her own thoughts. Nobody knows why. What does she think? What is she thinking about right now? Would you ever dare to ask her, knowing she won’t even look at you to let you know that she heard your question?
She doesn’t hear. She doesn’t listen. She’s lost in the music inside her, all the way. It’s them, plying in her heart, keeping her heart beating. Her lungs breathing. Her eyes watching. Her skin feeling. Their music keeps her alive.
And she’s dancing. Dancing and laughing, with her dreams that came true. She can feel happiness, pure pleasure of being so close to heaven. She jumps and touches the sky, hugs the clouds and talks to the sun. Moon is her friend and it keeps every secret she tells him. The fantasy is not the fantasy anymore and it embraces her with whole reality around. She’s inside it, she lives upside down, running fast, spinning around and laughing out loud.
Her way to skip the real life…
She’s on the edge of the sanity, with apocalyptic visions in her head, with dangerous look in her eyes. She wants to fall…
When she comes back, she sits on that chair again. Tears fall down her face, making her cheeks so wet. And her eyes are looking again for their faces. To ease the pain, to forget everything and to get numb…she just stares at them again.
But hoping for better life. Believing in her dreams this time. Walking slowly, with the strength they gave her, through the tangled paths of life…
PS. Title from 30STM’s song “Kings and Queens”. I’m author of all the rest. Enjoy.