She was my best friend since childhood. We lived in different towns, but wrote letters to each other two times per week sometimes, visited as often as possible, kind of grew up together. We would spend hours on the phone in the middle of the night. When I moved to another city, further away, to study, she visited me as often as she could. I showed her students life, took her to parties, she worked then but despite differences we still wanted similar things. We went to concerts of our favourite band together, we had adventures, lots of laughter and funny situations. We shared sadness too. We always had other friends, but we remained best friend for ever. Or so we thought… Ironically, everything fell apart when we moved close to each other. Now we meet mostly by chance in town, very rarely exchange sms, real talk having even more rarely. She didn’t even come to my wedding(s).
It took me some time to realize that I just have to let go of this friendship, because it didn’t exist anymore. It’s not the first time either. I lost a friend from secondary school. From high school as well and from university time. And all those friendship were meant to be forever. We declared we wouldn’t forget about each other, we would always stay in touch, write letters, emails, call… we made promises and broke them unwillingly. It happens to all of us and the only way to make it through is to accept it. If one side doesn’t want a friendship, or just doesn’t put enough effort into keeping it alive, there is no point in fighting, trying to prolong it or avoid the inevitable. It is natural to go apart at some point, it’s nothing bad. We’re all moving forward. But it becomes sad when one side starts blaming the other for destroying relationship. Often there is no fault, noone to blame. There was a moment in time when you were close, you had fun, you shared experiences and great times, you have some good memories, but now the time is different. And, more importantly, we are different.
Everyone is changing, we all evolve, grow up. And each of us in different way, different direction. It’s obvious that at some point two people will not grow in the same rhythm, or even not in the same direction. Some grow up faster, others slower. Some become just older version of what they always were, others change their lives completely. Change and personal growth is the most important reason for why some of our relationships fall apart. Because what used to be the same for us once, now it isn’t and we lose the common ground. A change of attitude towards whatever happens is also a big deal here. From being pessimistic person we change into more positive thinking. Or other way around. Different experiences we have, different expectations and dreams. But there are also very simple factors, like moving out. If a friendships was based on often meetings and we move to another city, another part of country or even abroad, what we once shared will slowly fade away. We also change jobs, get promoted or fired, and relations we built at work also could go no longer.
We change our lives, we meet new people, fall in love, build homes and families. We kind of replace friends with family members, wives, husbands, who become our life companions, our best friends. We didn’t think about it when we were kids, teenagers, for us the ultimate version of friendship was the one we had. Life proves us wrong. There are obviously relations that stay forever, it happens of course. The marriage is one of them. But aside the family relationships there are friendships that go on forever. But they also change. The nature of them changes. There is no more everyday meeting, doing stupid, ridiculous stuff. Here we go back to growing up again. Even though it changes, we still can feel sometimes that we can count on that certain person. Those friendships are beautiful.
Looking at all this we may easily draw a conclusion that making friends is for nothing, because sooner or later they will fade away. But humans are social creatures, we need other people and we want them in our lives. We are taught that relationships, the romantic ones and friendships, are meant to be forever – otherwise they’re not real. Well, the truth is that we are going to meet new people, create new bonds and make friends, again and again. Every person that comes to your life, comes for a reason. Some relations are our mistakes, they teach us what to avoid in the future. Other people are, lets say, way too good for us and we learn from them how to become better human beings. Some people we meet by a chance, but they happen to change our life on a such a big level, we could no longer think that meeting them was just by an accident, because it was meant to be.
I cherish the memories I have with all of the people who used to be very close to me, my best friends from the past, closest colleagues, so called soulmates. I will never forget them, surely. They are a big part of my past. But I let them go their own way, and keep them in my heart, remembering the positive experiences rather, than the negative ones. And I hope for the friendships I build now, to stay on forever 🙂
“You have to let people go. Everyone, who’s in your life, is meant to be in your journey, but not all of them are meant to stay.”
– author unknown